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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644503">Miserable Little Whelp</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/avacat123/pseuds/avacat123'>avacat123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Gen, Hatred, IRL Setting, POV Second Person, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Suicide Attempt, Twins Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Yeah I made Dream and Wilbur besties don't ask, anger issues, be careful please, in which I vent through Wilbur Soot, vent - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:41:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644503</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/avacat123/pseuds/avacat123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wilbur Soot is alive and not well. We jingle along to a fool's tune. circles rule our lives and sometimes you want out. Wilbur knows this feeling well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Miserable Little Whelp</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Howdy. Real surprised to see another vent from me huh? I know, I know. Banged this out in about 2 hours. Sorry for mistakes and be careful with the warnings in the tags. Stay safe and try to get better.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You are miserable. You have been your entire life. You don’t know the last time you smiled and really meant it. It makes your father cry when he thinks you aren’t looking. Your twin shoots you worried looks and tries his fucking hardest to listen to you, to make you feel something besides overwhelming grief and misery. You have lost your childhood and no one fucking cares because why would they? You are miserable and you always have been. Your younger brother tries to help and he is a blessing to your family. Where you have failed he has succeeded. It makes you weep bitter tears in the shower where no one can hear you. Everything is too loud and you wish it would fucking stop. Nothing ever stops and you hate the fact that you have to keep marching on and put a little smile on your face. You can’t be angry or sad because then you’re wrong. But aren’t you always wrong? When have you ever been right. Never so you must be wrong. </p>
<p>Your skin splits at the seams and you want to tear it all off. The odd one, the annoying one, the comic, the funny man, the quiet one, the loud one, the angry one, you are everything you have never wanted to be and it fucking burns. Sunlight peels your skin from your bones and you wish it finally all fell off into a pile and people could scoop into little jars. Then you would finally be something of worth. Something that could be sold. You suppose all you are is a parable. </p>
<p>“Don’t be like him. Who could ever stand being related to him? How do those idiots stand being friends with him?” The words ring in your head and music blasts in your ears. You are numb and horrid looking and detestable. Fury overtakes your blood and you wish it would cool down but it never does. We live in circles and your circle is to constantly be strange, odd, weird, unknowable, a fucking disappointment.<br/>

</p><p>You want to drop out and stop learning. You wish you had never set any expectations when you were younger, why did you get all As? Why didn’t you fucking fail? How come you only fail when people are finally paying attention to you?! Anger hums under your skin and you want to expel it but you can’t ever act on it. You hunger for things that are unavailable or perhaps unknowable. Are you not disgusting? How does Techno even stand to look the same as you? It’s repulsive to be known through a familial connection to you and your twin bears the brunt of it. Your father lies and says he is proud of you. Whenever he says it you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon. Your traitorous heart beats in tandem with the rush of happiness that comes from the praise. It’s a lie, it has to be because no one should be proud of you. Tommy looks up to you and makes you physically ill. You are nothing and he is everything.</p>
<p>Sound irritates you. Ironic considering you love music so much, it’s the only thing that doesn’t make you want to drive a spike through your cerebrum. Sometimes you wonder what death would be like. It terrifies you and yet you crave it.</p>
<p>“Wilbur are you okay?” Your twin asks after you stare at a kitchen knife for too long, blank stare transfixed by the shine of the metal.</p>
<p>“I think one day I’ll die and then I’ll finally be happy.” It tumbles out of your mouth without thought. You wince and look over at your twin, Techno is framed by the setting sun and he has tears in his eyes. You don’t know what to say so you walk away.</p>
<p>Coward. You are always a coward. Running away from your problems and staying up late to feel like you’re in control but you aren’t, you never have been and you never will be in control. Your father makes you stick to a schedule, or rather he tries to establish one and you feel like dashing your skull against the rocks. It’s funny almost, that he still cares. Phil wears green and it reminds you of the only other person who has seen you so low and fucking miserable. Dream is an enigma and he is flashy and beautiful and you’re best friend you think. He hangs out with you even when anger blinds you. He lets you smash shit and even took the blame for a window being broken at school. He burns bright with joy. You don’t know why he hangs around you.</p>
<p>“Hey Wil. You look like you want to break something, wanna ditch class?” Dream asks with a small smile. Your head pounds and the anger boils your blood, you nod and get up. Dream leads the way out of school, his bag has a bat in it. You smile, he cares you think but it won’t stick. You leave the school and smash glass bottles the shards cut into your fingers and you laugh. It’s loud and startling and Dream gives you a small hidden smile. </p>
<p>
  <i>No one can tell the difference between my laughter and my screams.<i></i></i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>You will die one day and be happy. You will cease to exist and Dream has proposed a joint coffin  that would conceal both of your bodies. It makes you smile and you wish that momentary minute of joy would last longer but you are miserable. You always will be miserable. The sun rises and sets and you keep going. It’s hellish and you wish it would stop. It doesn’t. So you endure the concerned looks and your twin sticking close to you (perhaps that’s because you almost bled out in your bathroom, who knows?). Tommy glares at the people  who mock you and you want to tell him to stop because it makes him a target. But his heart bleeds for you so you let him. Phil tucks you in at night because he worries and wants to remind you he loves you. You thank him and cry yourself to sleep as he watches, vigilant and wishing to reach out. </i>
  </i>
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<p>
  <i>
    <i>You are miserable and that is the state of your life. Maybe it will change. Maybe it won’t. You stay up and night and stare. You wish it would stop.</i>
  </i>
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